


Flyboys

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Academy Era, Background Relationships, Everyone Is Bi In Outer Space, First Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:19:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17439818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: Poe Dameron goes to the Academy, learns to fly, and falls in love a lot. As you do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I expect this to be jossed hard, and I don't care.

_"You don't remember me, do you?"_

The six words blinked at Poe at the bottom of his screen, jarring him from the half-dreamy nod he'd fallen into during the lecture. He'd spent his first week here at the Academy in a dazed rush, hurrying to his classes, hurrying to calisthenics, hurrying to eat, hurrying back to his room to study. Along with his important classes where he learned to calculate hyperjumps manually or his military history classes where he paid attention to the mistakes of the past to lead the New Republic into a brighter future, he was also required to take a series of soft classes. Art History was about as useless a class as he could imagine, but it filled out his course schedule and got it out of the way, and he could relax while pretending to type notes for one period between his real classes.

The message faded after the ten second alert period. Students were discouraged from messaging one another during lectures. Poe didn't recall it to find out the sender or to write back.

He did take advantage of a stretch to peek around the lecture hall. He was still learning faces and names. The only face he recognized was a Gotal in his squad, and she was too focused on the lecturer to have sent it. The rest of the class was a mixture of first year cadets and upperclassmen still knocking out their graduation requirements, more humans than other species, and a few humans trying too hard to look cool like the blue-haired human guy right behind him.

Poe turned back to the lecture, making a stronger effort to stay awake as they walked through the motifs commonly used in third millennium Alderaanian sculpture. He made another visual pass around the room later, not sure what to expect. No one jumped out of their seat to say they'd messaged him, and he wasn't ready to pull up the message again, not yet.

He shrugged it off, made himself sit up straighter, and took notes.

When class ended, he gathered his things. He noticed the blue-haired human was waiting.

"Hi," Poe said. He scratched through his memories of the protocols he was still learning. Did he have to call upperclassmen "sir" yet? He didn't have to salute, he knew that.

"You don't remember, do you?" His mouth was stuck, like he was forcing himself not to grin, and failing. He didn't look familiar.

"Sorry, no." He pulled his bag over his shoulder. "Uh, I've got Tactics next. Gotta go."

The other student waved him off, his own materials gathered for his own next class. As Poe walked by, his voice dropped to where just the two of them could hear as he said, "Maybe you'll remember if I remind you that you were naked at the time."

Poe felt the flush move over his face, but the other guy was already walking away. The Tactics lecture was long and dry, and Poe kept flicking through memories of when he possibly would have met up naked with someone he didn't recognize. The answer hit him as Tactics was ending, bursting up in an unexpected memory.

After classes, he had mandatory exercises, then dinner, then study time. He should have been reviewing his notes. Instead, he pulled up the student directory and found the name he was looking for. With an excuse to his roommates, Poe went to the lift and took himself to the floors where the third year students lived. The hallways and corridors looked the same, with a little more personalization than the plebe dormitory areas were permitted. Poe found the door he was looking for. After he knocked, he stood there, feeling foolish. He could have messaged back. That would have been easier.

The door opened.

Poe said, "I was five."

"So you were." He turned away, leaving the door open, which Poe took as an invitation to come in. Jacen's roommate sat studying at his terminal. Poe had come up during study hours for everyone.

"Your hair was green back then." It was not the most scintillating conversational topic he could think of, but it worried at him. "Right?" His memories of the day were fuzzy, tinged with slanted sunlight and a welcome swimming hole on a hot day. A lot of the old Rebellion types had gotten together after the war, but only a few times. After a while, his mother had told him, you spent too much of the party counting the faces who weren't there with you to celebrate.

"It was. My sister sends me new colors to use every month and tells me to send pictures back. I think she missed out on playing with dolls as a kid and is making up for it now."

His roommate said, "He spent all summer gold. He looked like a protocol droid."

"Hey, the gold looked fantastic!"

His roommate dropped into a chirpy Core accent: "I am fluent in six million forms of irritating you."

"I was going to introduce you," Jacen said, "but never mind."

Poe's memory tossed up another piece of information. "You don't have a sister."

"You do remember," Jacen said with a hint of a smile. "Don't ask for the full explanation, because it's boring, but she's basically my sister. She's the one who talked me into taking that art history class."

"Lucky for me, huh?"

"Sure. You're a plebe, right?"

"It's my second week."

"Okay, first piece of advice: use your study hours. Don't waste them." He sat at his own terminal, frowning. Poe stood there awkwardly. Jacen looked at him. "Did you need something?"

"No. I should go."

"See you in class."

"Yeah. See you." Poe went out of the room and shut the door behind him. Fine. They were only saying hi. As he made his way back to his own room to study, he tried picturing Jacen's short hair all glimmering and golden, and failed. Maybe he'd ask to see a picture later.

The flush hit his face again.

* * *

_"She's mixing up the Rentaal Period and the Gorish Period."_

Poe was used to the occasional notes on his screen now. They never came during exams, or when they weren't supposed to be talking, and his replies were almost never answered. He typed one anyway. _"Are you sure?"_

_"Positive. See the fretwork on the side? Dead giveaway."_

_"You going to say anything?"_

_"No. It'll be on the exam. Pay attention to your notes. You want to be able to back up your answers later."_

_"Thanks."_

Jacen sent him comments like this all the time. Poe had learned far more than he wanted to about art history. Apparently the same sister who was responsible for Jacen's hair being vibrant orange with red streaks today had also drilled a working knowledge of half the galaxy's art styles into his head under all the hair dye chemicals. Oh, and she was some big name on Mandalore, but Poe wasn't scheduled for a Politics class until next year. He could ask then. On the other hand, asking now meant he could spend more time with Jacen.

He waited until class was finished. He stretched casually, the same way he did when he was sneaking peeks around, then said, "Hey. We've got a free day tomorrow." He smiled winningly. "Want to grab a caf somewhere?" He'd been practicing this all morning.

Jacen stared at him, at first confused, then dawning into understanding. "Did you just ask me out?"

Poe's smile widened to a grin.

Jacen tugged his arm and started walking out of the classroom, pulling Poe along with him. He wasn't smiling. They got to the door, and Jacen stepped to one side as the rest of the class headed out to their next lectures. He let go of Poe's arm and rubbed his head the moment the room was temporarily vacant.

"You need to read your handbook again."

"I read it."

"You didn't. Plebes aren't permitted to date upperclassmen. Regulations."

Poe wilted inside but refused to be daunted. "It doesn't have to be a date. It could just be caf."

Jacen shook his head. "No. Sorry. You're cute, but you are not cute enough for me to risk disciplinary action. I've got too many demerits already."

"For what?"

He shrugged off the question. "Look, I'm flattered, but you can't ask me again, all right? And since you clearly didn't read your handbook, you can't date anyone in your company either. Your dating pool is sadly limited to five hundred other people in your year and anyone else who isn't active duty in the Republic Navy. You can sow your wild tharma berries as much as you want otherwise."

"You're joking."

Jacen sighed. "Regs are regs. Chain of command gets touchy about this sort of thing. Tell me you understand the words I am saying to you."

Poe frowned at him, formulating all his reasons why the regulations could kiss his ass, but Jacen kept him fixed in a stare. "Fine. I understand."

"Great," he said with a wide, friendly smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Poe stood there alone for a long moment, embarrassment fuming inside his gut. He shouldn't have said anything. He shouldn't have asked. He should have read his stupid handbook again. He made his way to his Tactics class, forcing himself to school his face into something other than disappointment.

A message popped up on his screen: _"The handbook doesn't say anything about who second year cadets can date."_

Poe stared at the words. A half-smile pulled itself out, not erasing the earlier sting, but appeasing it.

He typed back, _"Good to know."_

* * *

Poe tiptoed around their next conversation, a question about the homework, but he rapidly understood Jacen was pretending nothing had happened. Since nothing really had happened, Poe was just as happy to let things go. Jacen was useful as a resource in class, giving Poe tricks for memorizing the different art styles they were supposed to tell apart, and meeting him in the library to study together for exams. The Gotal from his squad had already washed out, leaving the Academy even before the mid-year break.

"Why do we have to take this class?" Poe groaned. He was still mixing up Kel Dor and Sumitran iconography. "I want to be a pilot, not a painter."

"Understanding a culture's art is an important key to unlocking the way their people think and feel."

"What are you quoting? That sounds like something from the textbook."

Jacen frowned. "Never mind. Look at it another way. Officers are expected to mingle in polite company. The higher you advance in the service, the more boring parties with dignitaries you'll be required to attend. This gives you something to talk about other than your speed record."

"Ugh." Poe rubbed his head. "When do I get to fly?"

"Not until next year."

"That's stupid. I'm going to be a pilot. I should be working on flight lessons now."

"No, you should be studying texture patterns. What are the three basic traits in mainstream Kel Dor icons?"

"Ugh!"

* * *

Poe spent the summer serving on a capital ship in the second fleet. He had extensively researched what the Academy handbook said about consorting with other students, and had looked into what the general regulations said about consorting with other officers. After telling his father about his first disappointment in school, he'd taken on as much advice as Dad had been willing to offer. Rules and advice in one pocket, and a flexithin in the other, Poe spent an informative and happy time aboard the _Aspire_ not technically breaking a single reg.

He met a girl, and his soul danced in zero-g whenever he was around her, and she broke his heart.

He met a boy, felt that same swoop in his stomach, and wound up breaking his.

He met another boy, and he was just right.

* * *

"Welcome back, Poe." Jacen sat in the common area watching a holo with some of his friends. Poe automatically went towards the lifts before it kicked in that he was no longer a plebe and was allowed to watch holos in the common area, too.

Poe found a seat, and to his delight, no one asked him to move. "Welcome back yourself. Where was your posting this summer?" He inspected Jacen's hair with an amused glance. "Tell me you didn't go with the silver and orange all summer."

"Nah, did that this morning. I had a diplomatic post on Cardota. They made me go back to my natural color."

One of his friends laughed. "Yeah, but you convinced them your natural hair color is green." Two of the others joined him, amused by the deceit. Poe gave Jacen a look, and watched him shrug in response.

They went for caf after. Plebes weren't allowed to spend credits at the canteen, only eat in the regular mess hall. Second year was a brand new experience. Poe wanted to savor it, talking to his fellow student about important things. He thought he would mention his new relationship casually but ended up blurting out halfway to the canteen, "I'm seeing someone."

"That's great. Not a plebe, right?"

"No, he's in my year, and not my company."

He watched, and if part of him had been hoping for any sign of disappointment from the guy he absolutely had not been crushing on for a year, he saw nothing. He hoped his own face didn't give away anything as he said, "His name's Darius. He's studying ship engineering. He can build them, and I can fly them."

"You should think about picking up extra engineering classes. You'll want to know how to put your ship back together when you crash."

"I'm never going to crash."

Jacen laughed at him but didn't disagree.

Poe said, "I didn't say anything back there, but do those other guys not know who you are?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've met your mom."

They reached the canteen, got their drinks, and pulled up a table together. "Barbin knows." That was his roommate from last year. Poe hadn't seen him in the common room. "My mom adopted a lot of people into her family over the years. A lot of people who only know her casually assume I'm another kid she picked up along the way. I don't go around claiming I'm a human. Usually people take one look and assume, and I don't correct them unless it's important."

"Dad told me once you were born on Yavin 4, too."

"Why'd he tell you that?"

"There weren't a lot of other kids in the colony when I was little. I think he was trying to make me feel better."

"Did it work?"

"No."

"Parents are weird," Jacen said, and drank his caf. "There aren't any other kids around to play with but here's a story of some other kid you don't know but might meet once or twice someday. Now go play alone."

"Got it in one." He took a long drink.

"Does your dad know you're seeing Darius?"

"Sure."

"Did he react well?"

Poe opened his mouth to say of course, but reconsidered. "He thinks I should be focusing more on my studies instead of my social life."

"He's right. You've got the rest of your life to get laid. You only get three more years of learning how to do your job before you're expected to be good at it."

"When they finally let me fly, I'm going to be the best they've ever seen."

"Second best," Jacen said with a grin.

"You're on."

* * *

Second years and above had daily flight lessons. Poe donned his flight suit with eager glee. This was why he'd applied to the Academy, why he'd worked his ass off in school to get here, and why he'd spent his younger years inside any ship he could finagle his way aboard. Second and third years only had one roommate, rather than two or three, and his was having trouble getting her own flight suit on.

"This is typical," Ket said. "Plenty of sizes for humans, but any other species, you get a choice of too big or too small."

"A human one might fit you."

She gave him a withering look, and he supposed he'd earned it. "Come on." They hurried to the hangar together. Squads from various years rotated through, the younger students craning their necks in interest as the older cadets took the training ships out for maneuvers.

"When do we get to fly?" Poe asked his teacher, who ignored him.

"This is a ship," said the flight instructor, and walked them through the kind of basics Poe had known since he was three.

"Sir," he asked, "with all due respect, most of us have flown before. We know what a throttle is."

Poe had never earned a demerit before. He spent the rest of the class in a mild daze, not sure what it meant, how long it would stay on his record, if he'd just ruined the rest of his career. He kept his mouth shut after that, only offering answers when he was asked directly. This new resolve lasted a total of two weeks, when the instructor was going over emergency procedures.

"At which point, you must shut off your control panel and reboot it."

Poe's hand shot into the air. "Sir, that's not right. When you get that malfunction, the best thing to do is cut the lead to the battery. The control panel is fine."

"Cadet Dameron," said the instructor, "every year half the cadets who walk in here think they know everything they need to about flying. I assure you, that attitude will only guarantee you never do. Demerit."

Fuming, Poe spun on his foot and walked away from the class, earning himself another demerit for leaving without permission. He left the hangar, anger and deep worry fighting for his attention.

"Wait up," said a voice behind him. Jacen joined him in the corridor. "Wait."

"I don't need to hear it. I just washed out. I know."

He heard a snort behind him. "You've got three demerits. You're fine. I've got twenty-six and I'm still here."

That got him to stop walking and turn around. The worry wasn't going away, but it wasn't threatening to overwhelm him now. "Did you get them from mouthing off to your flight instructors?"

"Every single one of them. Too much of the program is holdover from when this place was still Imperial. You can tell. The Empire didn't care about pilot safety, and half of them didn't know how their own ships worked. Of course you cut the battery lead."

"Everyone knows that!" Poe said, grateful for the agreement.

"Right?" Jacen patted him on the shoulder. "Show up tomorrow, remind yourself whenever you're told something wrong that you know better and will do it right in the air, and play along. You'll be allowed out in another month. It's worth shutting up until you get to fly."

"I should go back now."

"You've already lost credit for today by walking out, and you're not missing anything. We can go to the mess and get lunch before the line is too long." He started walking, and Poe went into step beside him.

"How are you walking out early?"

"Okay, twenty-seven demerits now. I'm aiming for an even thirty before I graduate."

Poe's worries mellowed under Jacen's amused smile. Poe wouldn't aim for thirty demerits, of course, but maybe getting a few here and there wasn't so bad. "And you wouldn't spend one on me? I'm hurt."

"Dating a plebe is worth ten demerits. I spent half of those arguing about interstitial transfer coils instead."

"Now I'm really hurt. I'm not as interesting as transfer coils."

"I want you to think about that statement for a minute." They made their way into the mess.

Poe thought about it, and he knew if he had the choice between a pretty face and a tuned-up ship, his own pick was up in the air. "Fine. I'm _not_ as interesting as transfer coils. You don't have to rub it in." He picked up his lunch tray. Early arrival meant that for once, the stuff on the plate looked like it had been prepared sometime today instead of last week.

"How's Darius?" Jacen asked as they found seats, easy to do in this brief lull before the rest of the cadets arrived.

"Fine," Poe said. The truth was, they'd barely seen each other since returning to school. Darius was immersed in his own studies, and Poe felt like he was always playing catch-up on his. "Everything's fine."

The look he got suggested either he wasn't as subtle as he was hoping, or that his dining companion could read his mind. Thinking about that, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. He remembered more of that day when they met for the first time. Luke Skywalker had sat and played with the children while keeping an eye on his little nephew to give his sister a break, filling the day with a little extra magic.

"When we were kids, you used to have Force powers. What happened to that?"

"What do you mean?"

"When did they go away?"

"They didn't." Jacen looked around to ensure no one was watching, then at the condiment shaker. He put out his hand and the shaker slid neatly into his palm from a few inches away. He picked it up and sprinkled some on his mash. He winked at Poe. "Don't tell. People get really weird about that kind of thing."

"You're a Jedi?"

Jacen shushed him, but the cadets were starting to arrive, and no one heard them over the sudden roar of hungry voices filing into the mess hall. "No," he said, with a glare.

"But you can," Poe paused, "do _that_ ," he finished weakly. "Doesn't that make you one?"

"You can clean a messy 'fresher. That doesn't make you a janitor."

"Different. Very, very different. If I could do _that_ , I wouldn't be here."

"Sure you would. Aren't you the same guy who spent all last year complaining he wasn't allowed to fly yet?"

"Well, yeah."

"Because you want to be the best pilot in the galaxy, right? You know, after me."

"I'm going to be a much better pilot than you," Poe said with a cocky grin.

"Don't let it get you down when you're not," Jacen said back with a wink and a challenge. "I want to fly. I'm not interested in that other stuff. It helps, sure. I can take risks other people shouldn't. I can do a pinpoint 180 faster than Mom can, and nobody outflies her. Most of that is practice, though, and if I'm also practicing how to sense where the wall is going to be, that gives me an extra second to react when it matters."

Poe's imagination filled with everything he knew about Jedi. His mother had known Luke Skywalker back when they'd been in the Rebellion together, and had told him stories when he was little. He pictured himself swinging a lightsaber and saving the day and rescuing princesses of his own who in Poe's case would not turn out to be close family members. But Luke hadn't kept up flying even though by all accounts he was amazing in the sky. As Poe thought about it, he had to admit Jacen was right: in a choice between getting to fly a starship or floating rocks around all day, Jedi sounded like the consolation prize to him, too.

"Anyway, they're not allowed to date at all," Jacen said, following his thoughts. "So that's right out as a career choice."

Never mind consolation prize. That sounded like a punishment. "I see your point."


	2. Chapter 2

Darius officially broke up with him the next week. Poe wanted to feel terrible and instead felt relieved. He liked Darius a lot. He was smart, handsome, and a lot of fun when they found time to share a bunk. If they ran into one another again out in the galaxy, he could see them falling into each other's orbit, and each other's everything else. They just weren't good right now.

Ket didn't want to hear about it.

"On my planet, you find out who you're going to marry when you're still learning to walk."

"I'd hate that. You don't even get to decide for yourself?"

She looked him up and down. "Given your decision-making processes, I'd think you'd find it comforting."

"Very funny."

He waited until study hours the next day. He showered, shaved, combed his hair, and put on a clean uniform he did not intend to stay in long enough to wrinkle. He told Ket, "I may not be back tonight. Don't wait up."

"I won't."

He snorted and left. Despite the constant teasing, the pair of them got along much better than he had with his last two roommates. He would see how things worked out for the rest of this term and next, and he'd ask her to room together again for their third year. Fourth years got their own rooms. Convenient.

Ignoring the twisting flutter inside, Poe knocked on Jacen's door, putting on a smile he'd practiced in the mirror after his shower. He waited about a minute, hopes falling. Most cadets were in their rooms studying now, but not all of them. Fourth years had harder classes they should spend this time on but they also got more freedom to attend extra clubs or get in more flight time. Knowing Jacen, he was halfway to orbit right now.

The door opened partway. "What?" Jacen had thrown on a cover that didn't cover a lot.

"Uh, hi," Poe said, trying not to stare, and wanting a look inside the darkened room. "Are you studying?"

Jacen blinked in the bright light of the corridor. "No."

"Who is it?" asked a voice from inside. Poe's hopes fell through the floor and landed all the way down past the plebes and into the basement, where they rolled over and died. Here lies Poe Dameron's chance of getting laid tonight, may it rest in peace.

"Just a friend," Jacen said over his shoulder, then to Poe, he added, "Is this important right now or can we talk later?"

"Later," Poe said. "Sorry for bothering you." He turned away before Jacen could read his face, and if he was reading Poe's thoughts, it served him right.

For one second, he wondered, thinking as loud as he could, "Kind of hate you right now." He half-expected a hand on his shoulder stopping him. Instead, he heard the door shut.

He considered going to the floor where Darius lived and knocking on the door until he managed to convince him to take Poe back. He considered looking up the guy he'd broken up with to start seeing Darius. Then he went back to his own room.

"You're back early," said Ket.

"New plan," Poe said, slapping a new smile on his face far more brittle than the last time. He opened his terminal. "I'm going to try studying for a change."

"Good plan."

It took him a long time to see the words on his screen before he finally got to work.

* * *

In the morning, he got a message at his terminal: _"I'm free tonight."_

Poe deleted the message.

* * *

_"When you're finished being mad at me, drop by."_

Poe glared at the screen and dismissed the message. He had been ignoring Jacen for over a week, which mattered less when they had no classes together and their squadrons weren't rotated to the same hangars at training time. Anyway, Poe had better things to do with his time than worry about some cadet he hardly spent time with. Anyway, Poe was already polishing up his charm for a Togruta girl in his Military History class who was in another company. Anyway, Poe wasn't mad and had nothing to be mad about.

He ignored the message.

 _"You're cute when you sulk,"_ came a message the next day, followed up by, _"but not that cute._

Poe waited until study hours, and avoided Ket's curious look as he stomped out of the room. He wound up at Jacen's door again, almost turned around and went back, and instead knocked on it once. If there was no answer, he was going back to his room to study and he was going to avoid Jacen until he graduated.

The door opened. Jacen's hair was wet, and it was a different color than it had been the last time Poe had seen him. He was wearing more clothes now, too. He pushed the door open. Poe nearly left. Then he walked inside.

"Isn't brown a little boring for you?"

"Very. But it's a typical human color, and I've got to give a presentation in front of three human Admirals later this week." His mouth twisted. "I'd love to believe none of them will suggest a higher grade on my presentation if I look like a typical human, too, but I've been here long enough to know better."

"You look great," Poe said, and wished he hadn't.

Jacen sat down in the chair by his terminal. After a moment, Poe sat on the bed. "Are we going to talk about this?"

"All right. You should think about going blond instead. It'd work better with your complexion." Poe gestured at his own ears; Jacen's were looking greenish tonight. With a flash of understanding, Poe knew he kept his hair as long as regs would allow and used the bright dyes to pull attention away from the rest.

"You're mad at me. Is it because Alcest was here when you wanted to talk?"

"Hey, you can have anyone over you want. It's your room."

"I wasn't asking permission. We used to see each other a few years back. Sometimes we get together when she's in town."

He wasn't sure why he felt relieved to find out this wasn't someone new. "It's none of my business."

"No, it's not, but you're mad anyway."

"I'm not mad. I came up to chat, you were busy, end of story." He saw the look forming on Jacen's face and said, "No mind reading. It's weird."

"I can't read minds. Ben can, by the way, if you ever run into him."

Poe scratched through his memory and pulled up a chubby toddler. Who, doing the math, would be almost old enough to enter the Academy himself. "Organa's kid?"

Jacen nodded. "I saw him and Luke over break after my diplomatic rotation was finished."

That shunted aside Poe's injured ego. He desperately wanted to ask about Luke Skywalker, ask if Ben's famous parents had been there, too, and if it was some big Jedi get-together and if so how many were there and did they all know each other even the ones who hadn't been part of the Rebellion? He pushed down all that curiosity. Asking would do no good. Jacen hated talking about Jedi stuff. "I'll keep that in mind if I see him."

"How's Darius?"

Poe felt his face give him away better than any answer could, and he saw the sympathy growing in reply.

"It's fine. It really is. He's focusing on his studies. I should be focusing on my studies too if I want to be an Admiral some day and mark down all the kids with green hair." The joke was pretty limp. "You just said, breaking up with someone doesn't mean you won't get together again later."

"I don't think I phrased it quite like that. Is that what you were coming by to talk about?" He kept buzzing back to the same question, no matter how much Poe would like to forget he ever dropped by that night.

Poe spun out a quick tale to himself: heartbroken over his break-up, he'd come to visit a friend, looking for advice and commiseration on the wounds inflicted by young love. That sounded plausible enough, and with a little nudge to his own memories, he could make himself believe it. "Yeah."

"Then I apologize for not having the time to listen when you needed an ear. Are we all right now?"

"I guess. Sure. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have been mad at you because you were busy." The words weren't 100% true but they felt good to say, and he liked the smile they bought him.

"Great. The funny thing is, and you're going to laugh at me for this, but when you showed up that night, just for a moment, I was sure you'd come over hoping to score. Don't ask me why. It may have had something to do with where my brain was at the time."

Poe laughed, and he was sure it didn't sound uneasy. "That would have been awkward, huh?"

"Yeah. Alcest would not have gone for that at all and she'd have kicked my butt for even bringing it up as a suggestion."

A number of wheels turned in Poe's head, and a few of them were playing the holo version on the back wall of his mind. He hadn't even seen Alcest in the dark, and now his imagination started filling in for him. He'd already pictured Jacen naked enough times to have a start, and there Poe was himself, snug and happy between them.

"Have you, uh, suggested anything like that to her before?"

"I see her twice a year. I'm lucky if I'm allowed to suggest what we grab for dinner first before she decides what we're doing for the evening." His eyes were distant, stuck in a memory somewhere. He blinked and his focus was back here. "Which is more than you wanted or needed to know."

The mental holo continued, and Poe thought he would like to know a lot more. He had edged his way out of a hard conversation, and he could leave now, or he could press his luck and see where it got him.

Every pilot was a gambler at heart.

"For the sake of intellectual curiosity, what would you have suggested to her if I had shown up at your door hoping to get laid?" He offered up a grin which he'd been practicing for a while. Ket said when he did it right, he twinkled, and when he did it wrong, he looked like he had gas.

Jacen had been practicing longer. He had the twinkle part down perfectly. "Well, like I said, I wasn't doing my best thinking at that moment. I would have started by inviting you into my room."

Luck was nothing if you didn't push it all the way, right? "I'm in your room now."

"So you are. Let's see, Alcest was already in bed. I would have had you walk over and sit down next to her while I introduced you both to each other."

"Right. Would you have introduced her as your girlfriend?"

"My lovely acquaintance." Not that Poe had worried. "I would of course have sat down next to you." He moved from his chair to the bed. This close, he was warm, and he had the nicest eyes Poe had ever seen.

"How would you have introduced me to her?"

"Ah, easy. This is Poe Dameron. I've known him since I was seven years old. He's an obnoxious know it all flyboy, but you do have a type. And she would have agreed and pointed out I have a type, too."

Poe wouldn't let him have it all his own way. "Breathing?"

"So far. No droids yet. You?"

Poe shook his head. He'd heard stories. "When do we get to the part where your lovely acquaintance kicks your butt? And are you both naked when this happens?"

"This is my fantasy now, and she'd say sure, she could be up for some extra fun with a handsome young pilot. Then I'd say, 'How about it, Poe?' Before you answered, I'd put my hand on your shoulder," he demonstrated, his index finger touching Poe's neck, "and I'd try to kiss you, hoping to convince you to stay." Poe wasn't the only one pushing his luck, and with both of them pushing this hard, they couldn't help but get lucky.

Poe leaned closer, until their faces were a finger's width apart. "It would have to be an awfully good kiss to convince me to stay the night."

It was.

* * *

Daily inspections meant Poe had to be in his own room by first call every morning except on free days. He could show up at Jacen's door as soon as study hours started and spend the first couple of hours studying industriously unless he wanted to get yelled at by his boyfriend for tanking both their grades. After their homework was finished, they spent the rest of the evening fooling around until they fell asleep fighting for the blanket. An alarm went off early enough for Poe to stagger back to his own room and get snarled at by Ket for waking her up. On free days, though, he could stay in Jacen's bed for as long as they wanted. Some mornings he woke Jacen up before breakfast with a warm, eager suck. Some mornings he woke up to the hot, wet swipe of a clever tongue against his bottom, his eyes drifting open as it delved inside while a firm hand stroked him until Poe had to gulp back his own shout. Some mornings rolled into early afternoon before they made it out of bed.

Jacen had spent enough time flaunting his two years of experience at the Academy over Poe that Poe had assumed that extended to the rest of his experience. Instead, it turned out Poe had slept with three more people than Jacen had.

"It's the species thing," he explained with a yawn when Poe asked. It was late, and they'd left the light on, but both were too worn out to climb out of bed to turn it off.

Poe pulled down the blanket to get a peek. Other than the hair on his head, which was streaked blue and purple this week, Jacen didn't have a single strand anywhere else. Poe had met plenty of humans who shaved all their hair off and plenty of humans who were mistaken for part Wookiee by suppertime. The greenish dapples under his clothes were unusual, but he could pass those off as tattoos. "You look human enough to me." He kissed his collarbone. "No offense."

"Twi'leks have a reputation, because we've been conquered and enslaved so many times. Women get it worse but I've seen Twi'lek guys get harassed, too. There've been a few times where someone only started being interested in me when they found out what I was. Then there are the people who think I'm fully human, and freak out when they find out I'm not. I've only been in a fight once because someone found out I was mixed species, and I don't want a repeat. I have to be picky about who I sleep with. I'd rather not be." He pulled in Poe's face for a kiss. "Hot people are great."

"Hot people _are_ great," Poe agreed. "It's amazing two hot people like us found each other."

"It's a miracle." Jacen might be tired but his eyes were already gleaming with interest again. The impressive stamina was another Twi'lek stereotype, but Poe would eat his own elbow before saying so. There were many more interesting things to eat instead.

"We should get the light."

"We should," said Jacen. He looked at the switch, then he reached out his hand. The switch flicked off.

Poe laughed at him, part amusement, part delight. "You used the Force because you were too lazy to get up?"

"I did not. I used the Force because I'm warm and I'd like to do that last thing again." He rolled over, his legs straddling Poe's, pressing him into the bed.

Poe stroked his chest, fingers resting on one muscle. "Have you ever used your powers in bed?"

He shook his head. "I don't tell people about that. Could be fun to find out together."

"I must be special."

"Must be." His hand found Poe's where it rested, squeezing his fingers.

* * *

Before this, Poe had dated broadly but not deeply. He was convinced that most relationships included giving tokens of affection like nice food or pretty blossoms or maybe that album from that Bith retro Jizz band someone couldn't stop talking about. Waking up to find his flight helmet dropped onto the bed beside him was not how things were supposed to go.

"Come on, sleepyhead."

"What?"

"Get your gear on. I brought us bars for breakfast." A wrapped rations bar dropped onto the bed beside his helmet.

"What?"

Jacen sighed. He was already in his flight suit, Poe's muddled brain worked out as he sat up. "I told you I'd have a surprise for you this morning."

Poe yawned. "I thought it was going to be that toy you're hiding in the cabinet."

Jacen went to say something, then stopped, then said, "That's a different surprise for later. Pretend you didn't find it." He tapped Poe's helmet. "This, believe it or not, is better."

"That's my helmet. If your surprise is that you're going to give me a lecture about wearing my safety equipment while I'm in the air, I'm going back to sleep."

"Do I look like I'm about to lecture you on safety equipment?"

"Maybe."

"Or do I look like someone who arranged for us to have four hours of flight time today."

"It's a free day."

"Which means the trainer ships aren't in use. I've got two reserved. Are you coming?"

Poe's brain finally woke up enough. "We're flying today?" His heart skipped, waking the rest of him up.

"In about fifteen minutes, if you eat and get dressed."

He was out of bed like a shot. Jacen had already pulled out his flight suit from where he'd hung it up yesterday, and Poe staggered into it. He tore open the wrapper from his breakfast and downed it in three bites. "Let's go!" he said around chewing the last bite.

"Small bites," Jacen chided. "Never take a bite so big you can't finish chewing and answer a question from your commander."

"That's only at the official dinners," Poe replied, and kissed him on the cheek. He left one or two crumbs behind as he did.

The early hour meant few other cadets were awake, instead enjoying their chance to sleep in until lunch. The usually bustling dormitory corridors were eerily quiet as they passed through, and the rest of the campus was subdued and still. Only a few early morning exercise enthusiasts broke the illusion that they had wandered into their own dew-covered and orange-tinted world with a morning built for two.

"You're smiling," Jacen said.

"I was just thinking how much I like being alone with you."

"That's good. We're alone together a lot."

Poe took his hand as they walked. "And it's nice every time."

The hangar was lit like usual. The maintenance techs were getting in, starting their own shifts to check all the trainer ships over, looking for worn parts and cleaning the remnants of close scratches and the occasional lingering trace of pilot stomach upset. No flight instructors.

"You're sure we're authorized for this?"

"Yep." Jacen had a datapad in his jumpsuit, which he showed to the techs on duty, who waved him off amiably. The orders had all the official sign-offs he needed. "I ask for extra flight time when I can. If you don't ask too often, they'll usually say yes. It's a great way to get in more hours." He didn't have to say he'd rather be up there than down here. Poe felt the same.

Poe still hesitated. He was almost one hundred percent sure Jacen hadn't forged or finagled this. Almost. Jacen read his worry. "I haven't stolen a ship since I was eight. I swear."

That sounded about right. Poe looked at the ships. "Which ones are ours?"

"These." Jacen led him to two antique A-wing trainers. "I'd love to get permission to take out an X-wing, but you scratch one of those and you never hear the end of it."

The A-wing cockpits were roomier than the ones in the X-wings. Poe went over his pre-flight checklist with a thoroughness underscored by giddiness. "Ready," he said over the comlink.

"Take the lead, Mr. Dameron."

Poe did one more sweep check of his vicinity, ignited the engines, and lifted off. He'd been out in these a few times with an instructor in the back seat ready to take the controls if he screwed up. Today he was on his own, except for his wingman in the ship coming up beside him smoothly. The controls fit to his hands like gloves. As he accelerated, the horizon zooming by, he knew this was where he belonged. All the rest, the command training, the tactical study, the mechanical engineering, all of it was there to allow him to do this.

They spent the first hour on the training course, practicing moves Poe was still mastering as they zipped through rings and banked through turns. Instead of making him redo flips like the instructors would, Jacen teased him until Poe redid them enough times to get the timing right.

"Not bad. Are you ready to break atmosphere?"

"You're sure we're permitted to take the ships that far?"

"I'm sure." He didn't sound sure.

"Jace?"

"I've never gotten into trouble for doing it before."

With Poe's luck, this would be the time. What the hell. "Let's go."

And they were off, soaring up into the sky as Poe watched light blue fade to dark fade to black and come alive with stars. He kept close watch on his altimeter, and a closer watch on his life support. These old things had been used in space and were designed for vacuum, but the vague creaks they made as they left the planet's thermosphere behind were enough to worry anyone.

Over the comlink, he heard a deep breath of satisfaction, which was nearly identical to a sound Poe had grown accustomed to over the last few weeks pressed into his mouth with a kiss, or hushed against his ear. Watching the stars slide by, he could relate.

"Where to?"

"Try that again, Cadet."

"Sorry," Poe said, with an extra dollop of irritation. "What's our heading? And you're a cadet, too."

"Yeah, but I'm the cadet in the lead. Catch me." Jacen's ship shot forward, and Poe instantly went on the chase, following his maneuvers as they headed towards the nearer of the planet's two moons, then reversed and dodged communications satellites.

He ought to be worried, he knew. If either of them made a mistake, they'd crash into a satellite, or into each other. But he knew they wouldn't. He'd always loved flying. His ship, old and clunky as it was, moved to his whim like it was part of him. Jacen showed him new moves, and Poe copied them like he'd been doing them his whole life.

"Nice," Jacen said as Poe executed a tricky double-slide. "I'm impressed. You may turn out to be the second-best pilot in the galaxy one of these days."

"Not me," Poe said. Then he banked and turned. This wasn't his best plan. He could see the move in his head, but he wasn't sure, not quite sure, how to pull it off. He gave it a shot, feeling the wings shudder as he spun, and praying to any nearby deities that he wasn't about to spin apart. He came to a stop by Jacen's wing.

"What was that?"

"A little something I came up with." He did not add, "just now" and hoped it wasn't obvious.

Jacen banked and turned his own ship. It wasn't a perfect copy of what Poe had just done; on the other hand, Poe wasn't one hundred percent sure he'd done what he'd tried to do, so it may have looked like that. Jacen pulled up along side him.

"It's an interesting evasive maneuver, I will give you that. Let me try it again." He repeated the trick, much more smoothly this time.

"Good job," Poe said, with as much patronizing condescension as he could get away with. Jacen laughed over the comlink.

They stayed out for as long as they could, finally heading back right before their flight time was up. Jacen didn't want to risk going back late and losing the privilege for next time. Poe paused his ship right before descent.

"What is it?"

Poe took a breath. "You ever get the urge to stay in the ship and just go wherever it takes you? Drop everything behind you and just go?"

"Every time I come out here."

He almost deflated, expecting Jacen to tell him everybody felt that way. But he didn't, and Poe wondered.

They brought the A-wings into the hangar, then performed their post-flight checks. Jacen took a look around the landing bay with a frown. He nudged the tech who took over his ship. "Why are those fuel cannisters out here? We talked about this."

"I know, sir. Instructor Dolu wants them on hand for quick access. He's in here tomorrow."

"But I'm here today."

The tech shook his head. "I can put them away, but he'll only make us bring them out again, sir."

The two of them headed back towards the dormitory, Jacen shaking his head. "The worst part is, you know the younger cadets will pick up the same habit."

Poe bumped his arm as they walked, still buzzing with excitement from their flight. "Then you and I will have to tell them to ignore it when their superior tells them to do something stupid."

They hit the showers. Instead of getting lunch after, they went back to Jacen's room and stayed there until dinnertime. They even spent part of an hour studying.

Free days were the best.


	3. Chapter 3

"You should sleep in your own bed more," Ket told Poe one day as he was switching out his old clothes for new. "Not that I mind having the place to myself."

"I figured you'd be glad to get rid of my snoring."

"I am. But I also don't want to lose the room because you were kicked out."

Poe paused. "Why would I get kicked out?"

"You're never here to study."

"I study upstairs, and Jacen has already taken these classes. Perfect tutor."

"I wouldn't get too hopeful about that. I hear he's on the borderline for getting shown the door himself."

Poe sat down. "Why are you talking to other people about my boyfriend?"

"Like I said, I don't want to lose my single. Besides, people always talk. You should learn to listen, and not just to guys like him." A series of hot words came to Poe's lips, ready to defend him automatically before Ket raised one of her right hands to stop him. "I'm sure he's great. He's also picked up twenty-eight demerits for talking back to the flight instructors. The Academy kicks you out after thirty."

"You've seen the things they try to tell us. I swear some of these guys have never left atmosphere."

"That doesn't matter. They're in charge, and if you keep talking back, you're going to wind up hauling ore for a Trandoshan instead of flying an X-wing. You're better than that. You're smart, Poe. You're already a fantastic pilot. You can go places with your career." She turned back to her terminal. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

He took his things up to the room he was increasingly thinking of as theirs and thumbed the entry open. Jacen got back twenty minutes later, which gave Poe too much time to stew inside his own head.

"Hey," Jacen started, and instantly dropped the smile when he saw Poe's face. "What's wrong?"

"How many demerits do you have right now?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'd have to count. I think I'm at twenty-eight or twenty-nine."

"The handbook says they expel you after thirty. You told me you were aiming for thirty."

"Where's the fun in staying away from the line?" He grinned. "Seriously, Poe. It's fine. They're not going to expel me. I don't even have Dolu for the rest of my flight rotations this year, and most of them have been from him because I embarrassed him my first time out and he's never forgiven me. Bad news though. Your company has to put up with him instead, and your squad is on the first rotation."

Poe groaned. "Which means I have to be the one to play nice."

"You do. Some free advice: don't aim for thirty demerits before you graduate. With your mouth, you'll overshoot."

"I dunno. It might be fun to hit twenty-nine this year and ride the line for the rest of my stay."

Jacen made a face. "There are days I worry I'm a bad influence on you."

"Don't worry. You're definitely a bad influence on me."

* * *

"So," Poe said, not at all casually as he finished his history reading for the night.

Jacen was still at his terminal, finishing up his jump calculation homework. "So?"

"Mid-year break is coming soon." Two point five weeks of leave. He was counting down the days.

Jacen erased the full line and started over. "Yeah?"

"And there's a formal right before."

"I know you have a point somewhere in here."

"We could go."

"You can go. Have a great time and tell me all about it."

He sidled up to Jacen, who deliberately ignored him as he focused on his work. "It would be fun. The food is supposed to be much better than the regular crud. We'll get to see everyone in their dress uniforms and we can make fun of them together. There's dancing."

"I do not dance."

"You'd be a great dancer. I can picture you now." Poe closed his eyes and swayed. "And you'd have the best-looking date at the Academy at your side, which means you couldn't help but look even better."

Jacen rubbed his head. "New conversation. What day are you leaving for break?"

"The day after. I'd love to show my dad pics of us from the formal."

"I'm not going. You can go without me."

"I bet your mom would love pictures, too. You could send one to your sister, and to those uncles you mentioned out in Wild Space. Didn't you tell me you have this whole extended family? We could send pictures to all of them."

A look of mild horror crossed his face. "I swear if you don't stop talking, I will Force choke you."

Poe smiled sweetly. "You don't know how."

"I'll learn!" Calculations finished, Jacen closed his terminal. Then, irritated glare still in place, he took Poe's hands, pushed him onto the bed, and tickled him until he was gasping with laughter.

* * *

"Human fashion ideas are stupid," Ket said, twitching around in her dress uniform. "Are you sure it's supposed to work this way?"

"I think so?" Poe had dropped by to change his flight suit for a fresh one, and had been dragged into helping his roommate figure out the details of her uniform. Unlike her flight suit, this had been tailored for an Ardennian of her size and build. Like her flight suit, it was modeled off a pattern created with humans and near-humans in mind.

"This looks terrible, doesn't it?" she said, twisting around to see herself in the one small mirror, standing on various sets of arms to get a full look.

"You look fine. I didn't think you'd go."

"Why not? The food's supposed to be fantastic. Besides, Larnek from Zeta Company asked me to go."

"Aren't you technically married?"

"Aren't you asking a lot of questions?" she shot back. "Don't worry, I will keep far away from you and your date."

"I'm not going. Jacen doesn't like dances."

"Sounds like a personal problem to me. Fine," she said with a deep sigh. "You can tag along with me and Larnek, but stay out of our pictures."

"I'll think about it."

She waved one hand at him. "Go, don't go. It should be your decision. You don't have to do everything with your boyfriend. What are you going to do after he graduates? Mope around for the next two years?"

"I said I'd think about it. Are you done?"

"I guess. Can you help me unfasten the back?"

* * *

"I've got transport lined up for tomorrow," Poe said to the hologram of his father. "I should be there two days from now."

"I can't wait to see you." Dad's face was one beaming smile. "You look like you've grown another two inches."

"It hasn't been that much," Poe said, a little embarrassed, and a little happy he'd noticed even over this flickering connection.

"Is Darius well?"

"We split up a while ago."

"Sorry, you told me and I forgot. Well, you need to spend that time on your studies."

"So everyone keeps telling me."

"When it's the right time, the right person is going to walk into your life, and they're going to be lucky to meet you. You don't have to rush into meeting them today."

Poe smiled, but this was a long-distance communication, and he'd rather tell his dad everything in person, even without a picture from the formal. He'd gone back and forth with what to say. _"You remember when I told you General Syndulla's son was in my class last year?"_ Or, _"Did I mention Jacen and I are spending a lot of time together?"_ Or most likely, _"This isn't the best picture, and his hair isn't this bizarre metallic red any more, but this is Jacen, and sometimes he's kind of a jerk and most of the time he's my best friend, and I really want you to meet him."_

For the moment he said, "We've got so much to talk about when I get home. After I sleep for the first week."

Dad laughed. "Fair. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you, too."

The transmission ended. Poe cleared out of the comm cubicle. He was almost packed. He had one more class this afternoon, then he would finish up. His ship departed first thing in the morning. He sighed, making his way to Tactics with the same edgy distraction everyone around him shared. Half of them were excited for tonight, and the rest were eager just to get out of here for a while. The instructor either took pity on the class, or else she knew they wouldn't retain anything from today's lecture, and she let them go as soon as she could. Evening PT had already been cancelled.

Poe went back to their room. Most of his possessions lived here these days. He'd even put up a couple of his posters on the walls. He'd have to remember to drop by his old room later and make sure he hadn't left anything important.

When he opened the door, multiple things were awry. First, his bag had been moved to the side, which was fine, he shouldn't have left it in the middle of the floor. Second, Jacen was wearing his own dress uniform. Third, Poe's uniform was laid out on the bed, the creases stiff as though it had been pressed today.

Poe's mouth popped open.

"Well, put it on," Jacen said, with a mixture of impatience and nervousness. "We've got a few hours, but the fasteners for these things are ridiculous, and we'll want to get dinner before we go."

Poe dropped his class bag, grabbed his boyfriend, and kissed him hard.

"How much time did you say we have?"

"Not that much time. But you do owe me for this. There is dancing in my immediate future, and it is all your fault." Jacen fake-shuddered then stroked his cheek playfully. "We'll have to think of a fun way for you to repay me."

"I am already coming up with ideas." Poe picked up the uniform. "Help me get naked so I can put it on?"

"That is an excellent start."

* * *

Poe only slept for two days, climbing out of his bed for meals before passing out again.

"You are taller," Dad said when Poe was finally awake enough to carry on a conversation. "I'm starting to wonder if it's because you're always asleep." He ruffled Poe's hair, which Poe was too old for, and he loved it anyway.

"I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. All caught up now, though."

Dad gave him a look. "A message came through for you this morning." He pulled it up and showed it to Poe.

_"I miss you. See you soon."_ Dad could read the grin on Poe's face well enough, and gave an exaggerated sigh.

"You're supposed to be studying."

"I do study. And they're finally letting me fly."

"That's good. It's about time you got to show them what you can do." Pride beamed in every word. "Just promise me you'll spend more time on your academics than on your social life. If you want to be a pilot in the New Republic Navy, you need to be an officer first."

"I can do both." It was a deflection and Dad wasn't fooled for a moment, but Poe had already gone to his bags and dug out his prize. He handed his father the picture of the two of them in their dress uniforms, white-gloved hands clasped. "See? I even look like an officer." He'd barely looked at it before now, but as he tilted his head to see the picture in his dad's hand, he noticed he was beaming at the holocam while Jacen's impish yet fond expression was aimed solely at Poe. A weird warmth touched him, part embarrassment, part something else.

Dad examined the picture for longer than Poe was comfortable with. "Your mom would be so proud of you." He gave Poe a kind, sad smile, then handed it back. "You look really happy."

Poe returned the same smile. "I am."

* * *

Classes kicked off hard as soon as they were back. Poe had thought he spent a lot of his time studying before. Now they were up past lights out while finishing homework or going over notes before passing out, too tired to do much more than fall asleep together. Free days were less of a break and more of a chance to catch up on lagging assignments.

"I've got two ships reserved for tomorrow," Jacen said with a yawn. "We can go out for a few hours first thing, then work for the rest of the day."

Poe looked at the pile of notes. "I don't know if I should."

"I know I definitely shouldn't, but if I don't get out there for a while, I'm going to lose my mind. Stretching your wings a little would do you some good, too."

It wasn't hard to talk him into it. Poe already felt the stress roll off his shoulders as they stepped into the hangar at first light. The fuel crates were in the wrong position again, and Jacen glared at them. "Come on. Let's move those out of the way." Poe helped him move the antigrav carts to the far side of the hangar well away from the ships.

"Why does Dolu do that?"

"Readiness drills. Your squad will start them next. Readiness won't help anyone if they're dead." He shrugged off the bad mood. "Come on. I'll race you into space."

"You are on."

* * *

Readiness drills started the next rotation. Every pilot also had to be trained in every duty for ground crew, including emergency fueling.

"You have to be on the spot, ready to get those ships back into the air," droned the instructor. "Your quick action may make the difference for winning the battle."

Poe bit his tongue and went through the exercises with the rest of the squad. Third year cadets brought their ships in, and their squad got them refueled and out again. Ket was the fastest at pushing through a ship, her team regularly clocking in a full minute sooner than the others.

"The lesson is, speed wins the day," said Instructor Dolu.

Poe said, "Looks to me like the real lesson is, hire Ardennians because they're the best." That earned him a laugh from a few members of his team, a nod from Ket, and one demerit. Worth it.

* * *

The training course on the planet's surface was better for learning how to maneuver quickly. They'd gone out again, even though the free hours would have been better put towards a project Poe had due tomorrow in his military history class. "I came to the Academy to be a pilot," he'd said, and it wasn't as though Jacen would argue the point with him, despite papers of his own due tomorrow in two of his classes.

"You have to be more careful when you bank," he said to Poe over the comm. "You're not pulling up soon enough. This course has repulsors in the walls. You try that in a real scenario right now, you'll splatter yourself on the side of a mountain."

They went through the course again. This time Poe paid attention to where Jacen turned, and tried to copy the exact same spot, and felt the rubbery bump of the wall repulsors again as he made it through the corner. "I turned when you did. Why didn't you hit it?"

He heard a pause. "Because I'm me. Use your nav systems. That's why you've got them. Go through that corner again. I'll hover and watch from up here."

Poe grumbled and made another pass, now keeping his eyes on his nav system's readout while at the same time keeping his vision on the walls surrounding him. He almost made himself dizzy crossing his eyes that way, but he made it through the corner without bumping.

Back on the ground, Jacen clapped him on the shoulder. "You're getting really good at those corners. Believe it or not, there are cadets in my squadron who still bump the repulsors. You're already outflying them."

"How long did it take you?"

Jacen waited until the hangar door was closed and they were alone in the corridor heading back. "That's different. I always know where the walls are."

Poe snorted. "Right. I wish I could do the same things you do." He closed his eyes and held out his hand mysteriously until Jacen snorted and batted it down.

"That's not how it works. Anyway, you don't need to be like me. You're a fine pilot on your own."

"But I'd be even better if I was like you."

He shook his head. "You don't want to be like me. People like me get murdered for being like me." For a moment, a shadow passed over his face, which he pushed away as he grabbed Poe's hand and swung him around. "I am far more interested in you being exactly like you." He kissed Poe, distracting him from asking what the hell that was about.

They went back to their room. Poe was always worked up into a buzzing glow after flying. He wanted to use this desperate, frantic energy to pound his boyfriend into the mattress, already half-hard at the prospect of sliding into that smooth, tight heat. His project was waiting for him, though, and if Jacen didn't write those papers he was going to wind up flunking both classes. Sex was all well and good, but Dad would never forgive Poe for washing out of the Academy because he was too busy getting laid to finish his homework. He could only imagine Jacen's mom's expression as he explained the same issue to her.

On the other hand, Jacen had the same thrilled desire that Poe felt now written all over his face. As they both stripped off their flight suits, Jacen not so casually moved the pack of flexithins where they would be easy to reach from the bed. Poe pretended to ignore him, and with the same lack of casual ease pushed the bottle of slickoil closer to the flexithins.

What was one more hour?

* * *

"Do you think we could request our postings over break together?" They were curled up, warm under the blanket. Poe fingered Jacen's hair, still damp from his latest experiment. The hot pink was nothing special, but the white streaks peeking out from under the top layer caught the eye in a pleasing contrast.

"I don't have a posting over break, remember? I don't get a break."

"You get your orders. I could request my posting for the same place you're serving."

"Not a good idea. I'll be a full officer and you'll still be a cadet. After I graduate, we won't be permitted to date."

Poe groaned. "For two years." He knew this was coming. He didn't have to like it.

"For two years," Jacen said, wrapping his arm around him, "we will have to be discreet."

"Says the guy with the neon hairdo. You don't do discreet."

Jacen kissed his head. "I'll learn."

* * *

Thinking back later to that day, Poe recognized the reasons why things happened the way they did.

First, a group of plebes was taking their scheduled tour of the flight hangar. This happened every several weeks, but each time, the new squad stood around and gawked at the ships and at the older cadets getting ready to fly them. It was routine for everyone here, but not for the first years.

Next, Poe's company had Instructor Dolu, who'd learned to fly at the old Imperial Academy and taught like they were all still there, minus the stormtrooper helmets and the creepy Imperial propaganda on the walls. He was slated to retire in another year. Poe was already looking forward to spending his final year without Dolu's droning, and often incorrect, lessons. The prospect was enough to keep him from pointing out the instructor's errors during their class. Later, he'd have to wonder if everyone had come to that same conclusion, had stopped challenging him for the sake of getting through their own day just like the techs did.

Jacen's squad had lost their regular instructor the week before due to a personal issue which the instructor had to take leave and deal with. That put their rotation this week into the same hangar as Poe's squad. He was glad it was this semester instead of last. Last semester he'd have spent the whole class time sneaking looks and daydreaming. This semester, they'd settled in something more relaxed. One peek was enough.

Later, he'd think through the lesson and the situation, wondering if he could have said or done something differently, and if he would have.

The plebes were watching Poe's squad, and Dolu basked in their enforced attention. "Readiness drills! You get the ships refueled and back in the air to fight."

Everything happened at once. Ket pointed out the ship coming in too hot, and one of the plebes shouted the wing was on fire. The techs on duty moved towards the hangar bay opening to direct the ship, but the A-wing didn't alter course. Later, Poe would know the ship was being piloted by a third year still nervous at the stick and an instructor whose backseat controls were fried, but right now all he heard were the screams.

The burning ship scraped into the hangar, ripping off the other wing, which flew wide, and skidding and bouncing towards the plebe squad and the fuel cannisters on deck beside them.

In one tenth of a second, the future spooled out in front of Poe's eyes, and it was very, very short.

The ship...stopped. It floated in midair, still burning, while the wing, which had been headed towards another squad, stayed in place.

On the other side of the ship, Jacen stood with his hands out. He held both the ship and the broken wing hovering in place, his body shaking with the effort.

The cadets panicked. The instructor in charge of the plebe squad stood there, as shocked as the rest were. No one was getting out of the way.

Poe shouted, "First year cadets! Double time out of the hangar, now! Gamma squadron, move those fuel cannisters!" His own squad moved towards the hovering, burning ship, and the fuel dangerously close to it, confusion slowing them down. The ship was floating? Was this another drill?

"Move it," Poe ordered, since no one else was giving orders. "Get those cannisters out of here! You people act like you've never seen a Jedi before." That was a word they knew, grabbing onto the strange, ancient word like a line back to sanity. Ket grabbed two anti-grav carts, reaching her arms wide. More cadets took the rest, moving them far away from the burning ship while Poe grabbed one of the techs and went for the fire suppression gear.

As soon as the fire was out, the ship set down gently. Two techs climbed to the canopy, using leverbars to pry it open. Someone else had broken from their paralysis and called for the medics, who hurried in to help the young pilot and the instructor.

They seemed okay from here, and Poe let that assessment ride through his exhilaration. He could afford one more demerit today. He turned to Dolu. "Are we ready enough for you?" Without waiting for the answer, he made his way around the ship. Jacen stood there, not moving, hands made into loose fists at his sides. If they hadn't been standing in front of all these people, Poe would have kissed him.

"That was amazing," he said, grinning from ear to ear.

He expected the rest of Jacen's squad to mob him, clapping him on the back and cheering the way the squads always did when one of their own did something particularly impressive. Instead, they stood back. Poe was too busy looking at the weird emotion on Jacen's face to pay attention to them.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." He didn't look okay. He looked like he was about to lose his breakfast all over the deck. "I have to go." The vaguely shocked expression flickered for a moment as he looked at Poe. "I'll see you later." He turned and walked out.

Barbin said, "What the hell just happened?"

Instructor Dolu said, "Back to work, cadets."


	4. Chapter 4

Over lunch, everyone was talking about what had happened. Poe heard snatches of conversation about what people thought they'd seen, or what they'd heard someone else had seen. He thought he heard a plebe swearing they'd seen a lightsaber, but as he craned his neck to see who'd made such an absurd claim, the words went back to whispers at the plebe tables. Poe sat with his squad, who didn't say much at all, only kept sneaking looks now and then. Ket was the one who finally broke down.

"Did you know your boyfriend's a Jedi?"

Poe shrugged. "He's not really a Jedi, but yeah. Coolest thing I've seen in weeks." There were a few mutters of agreement, but not all of them.

He heard someone say in a low voice, "They steal children." Someone else told them to hush. Around him, he caught other whispers. Luke Skywalker's name went through the mess like a lucky charm passed from hand to hand.

Poe was pulled out of his next class and told to report to the Commandant's office immediately. He jogged over, his pack bumping him. A moment of nerves shot through him at the order, but the students who were sent to the Commandant for high level discipline requiring suspension or expulsion were usually escorted there by MPs, He was alone. When he arrived, he was sent to a small meeting room he'd never seen before and told to wait.

"Immediately" hadn't been necessary in his opinion. He sat for long enough that he could have finished class and the one after. After the first hour, and figuring no one would care, he typed a quick message to Jacen: _"Weird day, huh?"_ He didn't expect a reply, and didn't receive one. He passed the time going over study notes on his terminal until at the end of two hours, an admin came into the room with a drink of water and a snack, which he left for Poe without a single word.

He inspected the small cake he'd been given. Was this a test? Were they feeding him because they intended to keep him all evening? He left the cake untouched and drank the water, then started his homework.

At last, Poe was called in to see the Commandant. He focused on his posture, on maintaining the best discipline he could muster up as he stepped into the office. The admin who'd brought him closed the door behind him. He'd never met Commandant Graeff, only seen him at a distance during opening and closing ceremonies. Up close, he looked less like a decorated military hero and more like a mildly put-upon manager, who was currently focused on reading something he didn't like on his terminal.

"Cadet Dameron?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Sit down." He gestured to the chair in front of his desk, then typed something into his terminal with a sigh. He turned to Poe with a kind smile. "I apologize for removing you from class today. A lot of things happened at once, and by the time we understood you wouldn't be called in until later, it was less disruptive to the other cadets to keep you here. You will of course be excused from missing your classes."

"Thank you, sir. I'd be happy to get the notes."

Graeff gave him a look that told Poe he could have stopped after the first sentence, and also that he was very used to dealing with cocky young pilots.

"Cadet, the first thing I need to tell you is that your actions today showed quick thinking and solid leadership. If you hadn't taken command of the situation in the hangar when you did, it's likely many students would have been hurt or killed. A commendation has been placed on your record, and you have my personal thanks."

Cadets weren't supposed to smile widely when spoken to by their superior officers, but nothing could stop the grin spreading over Poe's face now. "Thank you, sir." He almost started in on a further explanation, downplaying his own role, since after all, everyone who'd been there saw first-hand who'd been the one to prevent the accident. But he was learning.

A commendation! He couldn't wait to tell his dad, who could brag to his friends about his hero son. He'd have to play cool around his squad, though. Ket would find a reason to tease him if he got a big head over this.

"I also want you to know that nothing you say in this conversation will rescind your commendation, and that you will not get into any kind of trouble. You can spit in my eye and call me a son of a bantha right now, and while I may remember that when it comes time to hand out assignments after graduation, it won't impact your career at the Academy. Do you understand?"

Poe went to agree, then shook his head. "I don't, sir. Sorry, sir. I appreciate that I'm not in trouble, but I don't understand why I would be."

"I'm going to ask you some questions. You should answer them as honestly as you can. Nothing you tell me will harm you, and your privacy will be respected as much as I can see to it. You are not considered at fault in any way."

Fault? "Did someone get hurt, sir? I thought the pilot looked okay when they took him out. So did Instructor Pars."

"They both suffered minor injuries from the crash, nothing to be concerned over. As far as we know yet, no one else was injured."

"That's good news," Poe said. Then he thought, what the hell. "It was pretty brutal, sir. We were all lucky Cadet Syndulla was there, or the whole hangar would have gone up."

"So various witnesses have told me. You know the cadet quite well, of course. I've been informed the two of you are in a romantic relationship."

Poe nodded. It wasn't against the rules. They'd checked often enough. "Yes, sir."

"When did that begin?"

"Sir?"

Graeff sighed again. "Cadet Dameron, as I said, I would like you to answer my questions honestly. I will be as discreet as I can with the information. When did your relationship with Cadet Syndulla begin?"

He thought back. "We've been seeing each other for about six months. We were friends before then, if someone you've been talking to says otherwise, sir."

"I understand. How long were the two of you friends prior to that?"

Poe folded his arms. He didn't want to discuss his love life with the head of the Academy. "We met when I was five years old. So, fourteen years, give or take?"

"And you can tell me honestly that you weren't involved with each other when you were a first year cadet?"

"Yes, sir. I asked him out last year. He turned me down and pointed to the handbook. Plebes aren't permitted to date upperclassmen."

Graeff made a note. "Almost fifteen years ago. Was that at the picnic on Qili?"

Poe had forgotten the name of the planet until he'd said it. "Yes. There was a get-together for a lot of the former Rebellion. Our parents served together during the war."

"I know. I was there. I'm sorry to say I never had the honor of meeting your mother. My squadron never interacted with hers. I only met General Syndulla twice. Between you and me, I am not looking forward to the third time."

"You were with the Rebellion, sir?"

"You'll find many of us among the staff here were with the Alliance. And yes, many others were with the Empire. We've all tried to put the war behind us. We're training you to defend the peace."

Poe felt he was expected to say something, and went with, "Yes, sir."

"The other witnesses I spoke to said you referred to Cadet Syndulla as a Jedi. Were you aware before today that he had Force powers?"

"Yes, sir. Since the picnic." Graeff nodded at him and indicated he should continue. "All the children played together, and Luke Skywalker was there with us for a while. He was one of Mom's friends, just some nice guy who made time to show neat tricks to the little kids whose parents were busy talking about the good old days. He asked Jacen to help him with some of the tricks. He must have thought it would be fun for us to watch a kid doing the same things as a Jedi. We all got bored after a while and went swimming."

Graeff looked thoughtful for a long moment. Poe wondered if he was remembering his own experiences from that day. He couldn't remember if the adults had gone skinny-dipping too, and now was not a good time to ask.

"Have you seen Cadet Syndulla use his powers at other times since you've been here at the Academy?"

"Once or twice," he said, and tamped down on the memories of the fun uses they'd put his powers to in bed. That was no one else's business. "He's not a Jedi. I only said that to get the other cadets moving."

"Not all users of the Force are Jedi. Darth Vader used the Force. I served with Commander Skywalker briefly during the war. I didn't see him use his powers that I recall. Some of our former Imperials had the displeasure of seeing Vader use his. A few of the older staff members were alive during the time of the Republic. We'd heard about Jedi, but I don't know anyone who met one back then. A few of us knew Commander Skywalker, but the word is a myth to most people, and was as good as a myth even when there were thousands."

Poe didn't comment.

Graeff watched him. "What do you know about Jedi?"

"They have lightsabers. They use the Force." He thought back to his mother's funny stories about Luke. "They tell awful jokes."

"They read minds," said Graeff. "They can use the Force to control the minds of others."

Poe remembered how hard he'd giggled watching Luke Skywalker levitate his own droid. He tried not to think about the latest trick Jacen had come up with that had left Poe boneless and happy and sore in the best way. "If you say so, sir."

"I do say so. It was part of the propaganda that the Empire published after the Jedi were all killed to justify the purge. The Order stole young children from their parents. A Jedi could peer into your very thoughts and change them. That's why they were dangerous. The Empire wrote their own history books, and told their side of the story, and there were officially no survivors left to challenge that narrative."

"That sounds like Imperial propaganda all right."

"The story worked because it had a grain of truth. The same stories had already been circulating for years. The Jedi did collect young children to train them in the use of their powers. They could use the Force to compel someone to do something. Everyone knows that. Another thing everyone knows about the Jedi: they don't marry. Do you know why?"

"Can't say I care much, sir."

Graeff's face went gravely serious. "Cadet, do you understand the reason the Academy forbids first years to date upperclass cadets?"

Annoyance came first, and a terse reply that they were too interested in who people slept with, but as he went to say those words, he knew the real answer. "Upperclass cadets have too much power over plebes. They might talk them into something the plebes don't really want."

"And someone who has the ability to manipulate minds has too much power to be trusted when seeking out a mate. They'd never know if it was love, or if it was coercion, even unintentional coercion from a mind too powerful to know the reach of its own desires. The rule was not created to protect the Jedi or to control them, just as the Academy's rule isn't there to control our older students. The rules were designed to protect others from them. Even with those rules firmly in place and the Order ready to enforce them, Commander Skywalker and Senator Organa were born to a Jedi and his secret wife. Back in the day, there was some gossip about Cadet Syndulla's origins. Most stories agreed his father was a Jedi, though no one I knew was brave enough to ask his mother to confirm that rumor."

Poe had known all this for ages. It wasn't a big deal. Jacen said he'd never met the guy; he'd been killed on a mission before Jacen was even born. "Why does that matter, sir?"

"It's not my job to determine if there was any kind of mental manipulation involved twenty or forty years ago."

Poe finally understood why he'd been called in, why the Commandant had said he would be discreet as he reassured Poe he wasn't at fault, why his demeanor was so kind.

"Jacen didn't coerce me into anything. He didn't mind control me. And as you've stated that I won't get tossed out for saying this, kriff you for even thinking it."

The Commandant didn't bat an eye. "I understand what you're saying, Cadet. However, I would like you to think ahead to your own career. Think about yourself someday sitting in my chair speaking to a young person who is entrusted to your care. I would like to ask you, the cadet you are now and the commanding officer you could be down the line: how do you know for sure?"

"Because I know."

"I hope for your own sake that you're right. If you change your opinion on the matter later, or if you simply want to talk with someone, the Academy has counselors on staff who are available at any time and who will remain strictly confidential with anything you tell them. They've been well-trained in helping our cadets work through the aftermath of traumatic events."

Poe said nothing. He waited for this to be over.

"It's not required for applicants to the Academy to disclose Force sensitivity. We would however prefer potential cadets to disclose voluntarily. Cadet Syndulla chose not to do so, despite knowing about his own powers and his ability to use them. This has opened a can of hak-worms which it's my unpleasant duty to sort through. Do you know of any other cadets he was involved with before you?"

Poe shook his head. "Before we started to see each other, he had a girlfriend, but she doesn't attend the Academy."

"Anyone else?"

"I really couldn't say, sir."

"Do you know if the cadet has used his abilities during his classes?"

"I don't understand."

"A cadet who can read the instructor's mind would have a heavy advantage during an exam, or could compel the instructor to change his grade. There's also the risk of possible memory-tampering."

"Commandant, if Jacen could mind-trick people into doing things, the first thing he'd have done was stopped Dolu from stacking those fuel cannisters in the landing bay. Dolu's the one you should be investigating. He almost got us all killed."

The Commandant checked his terminal. "Yes, I have noted that Cadet Syndulla ignored his instructor's authority on a number of occasions. They've had several verbal altercations. Cadet Syndulla has even been reported for moving Instructor Dolu's equipment away from where he intended it to be. Was that the case today? Did he put those cannisters there?"

"What? No. He was always moving them away from the landing bay."

"Which he did against the orders of an experienced superior." Poe was livid, and Graeff held up his hand. "And I have already said this on the record earlier today, that was Instructor Dolu's failing. Readiness drills are important, and so is ensuring the safety of your troops."

"Thank you," Poe said, settling back into his chair. "And no, he can't read minds."

"How do you know that? Did he tell you?"

"Yes, sir. Ben can, but Jacen can't."

Graeff made a note on his terminal. "Is Ben another cadet with the Force?"

He should have seen it when he walked in. He should have known. He hadn't been called in to get a commendation. He wasn't here to say his own piece, or to defend his boyfriend. Everything he said was being used to build a case the administration had already decided the outcome of. There wasn't anything Poe could do about it except deflect the worst of the damage.

"No, sir."

Graeff looked at him. "I suspect you're talking about Senator Organa's son. I was reviewing his application for early admission, though in light of today's events, I feel we will not be accepting him at this time."

"Sir."

"Cadet Dameron, this isn't a witch hunt. We are only interested in protecting the well-being of our students and staff members."

"Then maybe start by saying thank you to someone who saved fifty of them today."

"We did, Cadet. It's on your record."

"Is Cadet Syndulla getting a commendation?" He already knew the answer.

"Our investigation is still ongoing."

* * *

Classes were finished for the day, and he was already excused from evening PT. The mess hall was open, and almost empty as Poe picked up his meal, eating alone and quickly. The few other cadets weren't staring at him, but he suspected they were intentionally not staring at him. He swallowed the last of his dinner and left for the dormitory. He wanted to get home and talk to Jacen. This was a disaster, but Poe was sure if they could just talk everything over together, they could figure out a way to fix things.

He thumbed the entry to their room open.

All of the possessions he'd brought over during the last few months were stacked neatly against one wall. The posters he'd hung were off the walls and set aside with his belongings. Everything else in the room was packed.

Jacen looked at him as he walked in, then turned back to his bag, which he closed with a loud snap. He was out of uniform, wearing civilian clothes Poe had never seen before.

Today had already battered Poe with whiplashed emotions. The feelings hitting him now stole the strength from his knees. He rested against the door frame. "They can't expel you for this. You saved people. They have to listen."

Jacen tapped the top of his bag with an idle finger. His face was redder than usual, a high pink color that could be anger or embarrassment or both. "I wasn't expelled. I resigned my commission."

"If they made you quit, that's the same thing."

"They didn't make me. I looked at my options and this was the best one. A lot of cadets wash out for academic or personal reasons. It's only a dishonorable discharge if they kick you out for disciplinary violations. They haven't decided yet if I'm a walking disciplinary violation. If I resign now, I won't set a precedent for how they deal with the next cadet who comes along with Force powers."

"Ben Solo was going to be the next one. Graeff said he applied for early admission."

Jacen sighed. "Speaking of walking discipline problems."

"They're not accepting him."

Jacen's eyes widened in surprise. "Commandant Graeff is not supposed to tell you that, and you shouldn't tell me. What else did you talk to him about?" He focused on his last bag, not looking at Poe now.

"Nothing important." His knees were back in service. He walked over and set a hand on Jacen's shoulder, feeling the jump of muscles pass through him at the touch. "Bunch of bantha dung about Jedi. Sorry about that earlier. I shouldn't have said it."

"You needed to say something that would get those plebes out of the way. I didn't have enough control over my powers to hold the ship and even think about talking at the same time. You made the right call. Thanks." He rested his hand on top of Poe's. His skin was usually warm, a degree or so warmer than a typical human's, but right now, he was cold as snow from nerves. Poe turned and took his hands, warming them.

"Don't go. We can explain to the Commandant that you haven't used your powers for anything. You can ask Luke Skywalker to talk to him. They'll listen to him. Everyone who knows you understands you didn't do anything wrong." If Jacen left now, the rest of the cadets would assume he was guilty of everything they were whispering about now. Poe's dinner curdled in his stomach at the thought.

"I did do things wrong. I mouthed off when I should have stayed quiet. I blew off homework to go flying, but I did well enough on my exams to keep my grades up, which was fine yesterday and looks suspicious today. I didn't do what they think I did but they don't have any reason to believe me, and I'm not bringing Luke into this. Did Graeff ask if I mind-tricked you? It's all right if he asked. I just want to know what I'm being accused of."

"He suggested it and I told him to go kriff himself. He also suggested your father mind-tricked your mom, and I would love to be in the room when he says that to her. I've never seen anyone break every bone in someone's body before. It would be interesting to watch in real time."

"Too much trouble. Mom would just shoot out his knees then stomp on everything she finds between them."

They shared that mental image and both winced. "Come to think of it, I don't want to watch that."

"Me either. It's going to be enough trouble explaining all this to her when we rendezvous. I told her I quit. I haven't told her why yet. I managed to find a transport to get me to Lothal. She'll pick me up there the day after tomorrow, but I have to leave an hour from now if I don't want to miss my ride." He turned away again, grabbing another bag and throwing things into it.

"She couldn't meet you somewhere closer? Lothal's pretty far."

"I hope it's far enough. I didn't dare suggest anywhere closer. I'll have to talk her down from flying back here herself and giving the entire administration holy hell, and that's if I don't tell her what Graeff said about my dad because she will shoot him for that." Jacen shook his head, lost inside his head for a moment. "Mom will go to war for me. I have to give us both enough time for her to understand she can't."

"Don't. Go." Poe took his shoulders, and made him face him. "Stay here. Fight this."

Jacen shook his head then kissed Poe's forehead. Poe closed his eyes. "Not a fight I want. Even if they decide I didn't do anything wrong this time, now everyone knows. Every time I ace an exam, someone will say it's because I must have cheated. Every time I open my mouth, someone will assume I'm trying to mind-trick them. I can't spend the rest of my career worried that everyone around me is afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you."

"I know you're not. It's one of the reasons I like you." He paused for half a breath on the word "like" and Poe wished he hadn't, wished he'd said what he meant, but now was a lousy time to deal with even more feelings.

A mad plan burst into his head. "I'll come with you." All his important stuff was already packed. The fantasy flowed through his brain with painless ease. They would go off now and travel the galaxy together, working jobs and saving up for their own ship, no regs to worry about, just the two of them looking for adventure for the rest of their lives.

"You will not. You're better at this military stuff than I am. You pay attention. You care. You're going to be a fantastic officer, and the second-best pilot in the galaxy."

The fantasy faded. "Nah, I'm going to be the best."

"You're on," Jacen said with a hint of his old grin.

"You're going to holo me, right? If you're a civilian now, we don't have to worry about regs. We can see each other over break. I can come stay with you. You can come meet Dad. You can even come visit me here sometimes."

The grin faded. He took Poe's hands and sat down with him, and Poe knew his day was about to get even worse.

"The very last thing you need right now is to keep up a long distance relationship with someone half the Academy thinks mind-whammied you into sleeping with him."

Pique hit him unexpectedly. "Everyone else is making decisions for me in my best interests today. Don't you start." 

"It's not just for you, if that makes you feel better. I told you I met up with Luke over summer break last year. He's making plans to set up some kind of school for training new Jedi. I'm going to get in touch with him about it."

"You said you didn't want to be a Jedi."

"I don't but I'm not sure what else I want to do except keep flying. In the meantime, I can learn more about controlling my powers. I'll go be a Jedi for a while until I work things out. And Jedi aren't allowed to date or fall in love. Everybody knows that."

"You and Luke and his sister all wouldn't have been born if they didn't."

"I know. I can't change the past, and I don't want to start my future by breaking all the rules at once." He kissed Poe, and Poe didn't respond at first, angry and miserable, until he finally melted under Jacen's insistent mouth.

"Please don't go." He said the words for a third time, like a charm, like a spell. His heart ached. "Please stay."

"I can't."

An hour wasn't enough time, not with packing to finish, not with a transport to catch, not with the gray cloud hanging over them both. The bed was already stripped of its sheets. Jacen had to travel in his clothes and couldn't risk spoiling them. The feel of Jacen's hand on him was too good now, even with his heavy heart, and Poe sighed into Jacen's mouth as he came, pressing the words into his lips that he didn't want to say out loud.

And it was over, all of it, Jacen taking his bags to the main landing bay, and Poe staying here to collect his own things and take them back to his room. Ket didn't say a word to him, but she helped him carry his clothes, and stuck one of the posters on the wall beside hers. One of her arms patted his shoulder.

Poe climbed into bed early. It had been a long, hard, stupid damn day. Oh, and he'd gotten a commendation.

* * *

In the morning, there was a delayed send message on his terminal.

 _"I'm sorry. I'm going to miss you so much. I"_ The message cut off with that last letter hanging.

* * *

He kept his head down for the rest of the school year, ignoring questions about what had happened as firmly as he ignored congratulations on his commendation. The one bright note was that Instructor Dolu was no longer teaching. The story Poe heard was that he'd been ordered to take early retirement. The other flight instructors shuffled their duties to finish out the term. Poe asked one of them for permission to take a ship out on his second to last free day for extra flight time, and was permitted a four hour window. The part of his heart that still ached thought flying wasn't as much fun on his own. The rest of him took a deep breath of freedom the moment he broke atmosphere. This was where he belonged, even if no one else was with him to enjoy it.

His break posting was on a carrier. Reconnaissance flights only, but he was out in his own ship twice each rotation. He made friends with a couple of the junior officers he met, keeping the relationships strictly friends-only. He knew the rules and so did they, but importantly, they weren't at the Academy now and hadn't heard any nonsense rumors about Jedi, and they didn't ask Poe a single thing about it.

Third year meant catching up on his remaining graduation requirements. He picked a class in Twi'lek literature to get his last lit requirement, not at all because he wanted an excuse to send messages to his ex, oh no. He didn't send them, though he wrote and saved them. He didn't know where the Jedi school was, if they'd even established it yet, and sending the things he really wanted to say via Jacen's mother was out of the question.

There was a gorgeous Pantoran first year in the class. About a month in, she asked Poe out, and he had to let her down as gently as he could. "The Academy handbook is very clear on the matter. Sorry."

"I won't be a plebe next year," she said with a wink.

"I guess you won't," he said with a wink back.

Every few months, he received a message with no name and no return signal.

_"Ben's a sleemo. I miss you."_

_"This is more boring than Onorko's military history class. I miss you."_

_"I miss you."_ That was the last one.

By the beginning of his fourth year, he and Darius were back together. Poe kept the relationship more casual this time around. They both had their upcoming careers to think about. If they wound up stationed together, great. If they didn't, there was no need to make their lives difficult after graduation.

"You're thinking about him right now," Darius said as they rested together one night. "I can tell."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You get that look, like you're a million light years away. Have you heard from him lately?"

There was no point in pretending. "Not a word."

Darius pushed Poe's shoulder, rolling him over. "His loss." He kissed Poe, who smiled under the kiss.

* * *

Graduation came with high honors and left with his first real posting. The memories of his time at the Academy, which felt like they'd always be bright and present in his mind, faded slowly into a warm, yellowing nostalgia that papered over old mistakes, deified good friends, and anesthetized the old wounds from failed romances. Poe didn't return for his five year reunion, but he did send a gift to Darius and his new husband for their wedding around the same time.

Sometimes he heard stories that made him stop and smile. Jacen's extended family couldn't help themselves but get into interesting tangles that occasionally made the HoloNews. There were a few reports from time to time that the famous Luke Skywalker had set up a Jedi school, and anyone who had the ability to use the Force was welcome to come learn together with others like them. Poe scanned those stories. One or two mentioned Ben sometimes, though they more often mentioned his mother, until the other stories about Ben's mother took over the news and Poe stopped following the reports out of irritation. It didn't matter how someone was born. It mattered who they decided to be.

Because he'd been ignoring the news, he didn't immediately hear about the story that broke soon after, and when he did, part of him wished he hadn't. They said the Jedi school was obliterated. They said Luke Skywalker had vanished into a self-imposed exile out of grief. They said there were no other survivors.

Poe kept up a calm demeanor in front of his squadron. The past was the past. He hadn't seen Jacen in years. It didn't matter now. The people around him now had to be the most important people in his life. This was the life he'd chosen, too.

The next time he had access to a long-distance message terminal, he sent a short message of condolence to General Syndulla.

* * *

"Commander Dameron," said the voice waking him from the sleep he'd finally fallen into. Yesterday had been tough, and he was exhausted.

"Go away."

"Sir, you got a message this morning."

Poe didn't even open his eyes. "Can it wait?"

"I'm not sure. It was addressed directly to you, but there was no name attached."

Poe groaned and sat up. He took the datapad and read the message through bleary eyes.

_"I'm not dead. I need to disappear for a while. Don't worry, and don't try to find me."_

"Thank you," Poe said, handing back the datapad. "Dismissed." His head was back down even before the door closed.

Poe lay there, thinking, but he didn't have to think long. He had no doubt who'd sent the message. A long-forgotten thrill ran through his stomach. He flashed onto memories of kisses stolen when he should have been studying, and of the confounding fasteners on his old dress uniform as he'd struggled to get naked as fast as he could, and of two ships dancing through space side by side. He smiled against his pillow.

He never did have a perfect record for following orders.

end


End file.
